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You’re Just Not That Into Them: How To Say “No” To The Date

Valentine’s Day is only a week away.  You may have plans already with a special someone.  Maybe you’re hoping to be asked out by someone you’ve had your eye on for a while.  But what happens when you are asked out by someone you’re not interested in? How do you respectfully decline a date?  A few things to keep in mind when saying “No” to a date request:

Coworker wants a date

Be Honest

No one likes being lied to, not even liars. You are allowed to say “no”, If you are not romantically interested in someone.  However, the way you say it is important, especially if this is someone who will continue to be in your life after you decline their request.  You may say something like.  “Oh, thank you.  That’s kind of you to ask.  I like the way things are between us right now and I’m not really ready for them to change.”  So, at this time, I have to say no.

Keep it about yourself

Naturally, when you criticize or insult someone they become defensive.  When declining a date request make it about yourself.  This ensures that you stay away from insults or criticizing the asker.  Of course, if you are already in a relationship, say that.  The following statements may be helpful too:

  • “Thank you, but I’m not interested”
  • “I’m not dating right now”
  • “No thank you”
  • “I enjoy our relationship as ________ (friends, co-workers, etc.), but thank you for asking”

Be clear

Be clear with your “no”.  If your answer is no, then don’t use flirty body language (smiling, laughing, twirling your hair, or touching).   Your answer should be clear and definite.  Don’t answer with things like, “Can I get back to you?”  (when you have no intentions of doing so).  Keeping the them in limbo only creates anxiety for both of you.

You have the right to say “no”

If you are uninterested in going on a date with the asker you have the right to say “no” and have your answer accepted.  Remember, you are not obligated to go out with anyone.  If the asker becomes upset or angry, it is not your responsibility to make them feel okay.  Distance yourself, and allow them to own their feelings, and soothe themselves; you don’t need to.

Has this ever happened to you?  How have you handled this awkward situation?  How did you say “no” to the date?

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